There’s a reason I left this blog in the fall and a reason becoming increasingly apparent why I might need to return. The adventurous times are quickly approaching and like when I studied abroad, I think this new phase of my life needs to be documented. For my sake and for the sake of my growing and far-reaching support network, it’s time to make me introspective in writing once again.
I’m on the cusp of making a huge decision about which graduate program to attend next fall. It’s a great decision to have to make, in the sense that I do have choices here. On the other hand, how do you say no to any opportunity? Especially when they all will offer me such different activities, research interests, theatrical productions, connections, locations, and the list goes on and on and on. It reminds me so much that although I have some goals, my path isn’t set by any means. I know vaguely where I want to go, but I don’t know the name of the exact job title that I want. Or if there is even an exact job title or professional program for that. It scares me that maybe I haven’t done enough research.
But then I remember the lessons that I have learned over the past year:
1) When I was a Leadership Rice Summer Mentorship Fellow, I had to interview different executives in the Houston area about their paths to success. All of them told me that being an English major and having an open mind were assets to my future. Having a very specific, set path would make it harder for me to learn from life, take risks, and by process of elimination, find the career and lifestyle that would make me the happiest. I still have that open mind. It makes it difficult to make decisions at times, like now, but I have to remember that these optimistic, happy, settled, successful people were in this same position at one point.
2) Taking risks and failing is part of life, especially for the artistic life in the theatre that I have chosen. And I know this and have found ways to embrace it. It’s what I wrote in The Failures, the one-act that premiered this last fall. (See this previous post and this short note to see what I learned from my wise writer self from this play.)
3) Everything happens for a reason. While I have been living my life without blogging this academic year, I have made plenty of mistakes. Some of them have cost me friendships and at the least, a lot of extra worry, anxiety, meals, and sleep. Looking back though, I don’t regret any of them. I can see what I have learned and how it has slowly brought me back to trusting God and the plan that He must have for me. When it all became too bleak, something small would turn and open a shaft of light into my world. Eventually, it led me to see how to get out of the prisons and boxes I had placed myself in and showed me how to reach out for help from the people around me. Now I have found friends and discovered a well of strength and resiliency in myself that I never recognized before. And if that’s all true, then there must be a reason for this test of my decisions now. Next year I have to believe that I will be where I need to be.
It’s all so cryptic and vague now, but it won’t be for long. The next threshold approaches. It seems I am always crossing a new one these days, but I suppose that’s what happens when you are a young adult, just beginning to discover every part of life. One day my journey will all be material for my characters’ journeys. Oh wait. It already is . . .