#31days31plays Week 1

I wrote a (1 page or more) play every day for the past week. It was just the beginning.

Here’s one of those days:

TONI stands outside of a closed bathroom door. Waiting impatiently to use the facilities. They lean up against the door, listening intently.

Toni huffs and paces–they really need to go. They pace back to the door.

TONI: What are you doing in there?

LOU: (murmuring) Oh. That’s what you want?

TONI: Are you masturbating in there?!? / You’re ridiculous.

LOU: No.

TONI: Hurry up!

LOU murmurs from behind the door.

TONI: What?

A beat.

TONI: What did you say?

LOU: Uh… can’t you go outside?

TONI: Outside!

LOU: Down the alley, no one will see you–

TONI: No, Lou. I can’t–

LOU: No you’ll hurt yourself!

TONI: (to themselves) Why didn’t you look for a place with two bathrooms. Ricki told me something like this would happen… Weirdo. Probably is masturbating…

TONI continues to murmur and pace, distracting from the building need for the bathroom.

Lights up on the other side of the door. It’s a standard bathroom: toilet, washstand/sink, window, and claw-foot bathtub/shower. LOU sits on the bathroom floor, crouched by the clawfoot tub. It looks normal–until you look underneath. A portal has opened up to another world. It looks like a fantasy kingdom, in miniature. Small human-like beings gather at one foot of the tub. They try to move forward, but Lou stops them.

LOU: No, no. It’ll take too long. I’ll find the bubble bath–erm, magic potion, I mean.

High-pitched murmuring. Lou leans down to listen. Shakes their head.

LOU: The other giant won’t eat you–

Pounding at the door.

TONI: Come on!

LOU: Um, don’t come in here. I’m in the tub.

TONI: I won’t look–

LOU: Just tell me where the bubble bath is.

TONI: Bubble bath!?! That’s it, I’m coming in.

Toni starts pounding on the door, trying to unlock it.

LOU: Stay there. Stay right there.

TONI: Unlock this door, you turd!

Lou starts looking around for the bubble bath, but too frantically for them to find anything. They just make a mess. High-pitched yelling from the small people under the tub, who start to lift up one person to get over the bath mat.

TONI: I’m getting the key. You better be dressed when I get in there.

LOU: No! You can’t–Toni’s coming back. I can’t keep them out.

High-pitched yelling.

LOU: Hide, hide! Somewhere–under here.

Lou shepherds the little people into the cupboard under the sink and shuts the door.

LOU: Be very quiet. And maybe hold your breath–

Toni opens the bathroom door and bursts in to find Lou crouched down by the sink.

TONI: What the hell?

LOU: There was a mouse. I was trying to shield you–

TONI: Get out.

Toni grabs Lou and tosses them out of the bathroom and slams the door. Lights down on the bathroom side. Now Lou is leaning impatiently against the bathroom door.

LOU: It’s harmless! Don’t hurt it.

On the other side of the door, Toni makes a low moaning sound.

LOU: What was that?

TONI: Oh. My. God.

LOU: What?

A beat. Lou paces back and forth.

LOU: (murmuring) Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Please don’t hurt them. I know it’s weird and crazy but please, please, please, please, please don’t–

Toilet flush. Sound of sink and then the door swings open.

TONI: Just tell me next time you’re going to take a bath, okay?

LOU: You didn’t see the mouse?

TONI: There are no mice in my house.

Toni starts to walk away.

LOU: Wait! Where’s the bubble bath?

TONI: Top shelf of the cabinet. Behind the extra shampoo.

Toni exits. Lou races into the bathroom and opens the sink cupboard. The little people stumble out, clutching their noses and mouths.

LOU: Sorry about that–

Lou stands up and opens the cabinet. They dig around and find the “magic potion.”

LOU:–but this might help.

High-pitched cheering. Lou uncaps the bubble bath and pours it into the full bathtub. The little kingdom underneath the tub brightens up as storm clouds clear and a rainbow appears over the castle, filling the bathroom with its light. The little people cheer and run back to their home.

A knock on the door.

TONI: Hey, don’t use it all up!

Lou looks at the empty bubble bath bottle.

THE END.

Tune back in next week for another sneak peek into my process.

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About austinausten88

Playwright in love with Classic films, afternoon tea, and Noel Coward. She recently graduated from Rice University. In the fall, she will be exchanging her English major undergraduate status for that of Theatre & Performance Studies graduate student.
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